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Joke of the Day

"I'll call it a ""smart phone"" the day I yell, ""Where's my freaking phone?!"" and it answers, ""I'm here! Under the pile of clothes!"

"I just bought my wife some new eyes, a new nose and a new mouth... I can't wait to see her face when she opens them."

"Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does."

"Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed."

"I tried saving a cat in a tree but the darn thing wouldn't accept Jesus."

"What would be a good name for my daughter who is a synth? Synthia"

"How long is a Chinese name."

"[at airport] TSA: sir, you've been randomly chosen for a cavity search. ME: that's cool i didn't know my flight included a dental cleaning"

"A little boy asked his father... ""Daddy, what's a transvestite?"" ""Go ask your mother. He'll tell you."""

"They told me to spread love wherever I go. Now everyone is complaining about being covered in Nutella. You can never win with some people."