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Joke of the Day

"I used to work at an orange juice factory but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate."

"People who say age is just a number fundamentally don't get numbers and that's why I always borrow money from them."

"What do you call a rapsit that gets raped? JUSTICE"

"The job interviewer asked me to define turnover. I said, ""That's what I do before I go to sleep."""

"What did Kendrick Lamar say when Rihanna tried to unplug his VR headset? Bitch, don't kill my Vive."

"[Border control] Officer: ""You're not American."" Me: ""Deep."" *Officer squints* M: ""Fried."" *squints harder* M: ""Guns."" ""Welcome back, Sir."""

"Sometimes I like to surprise my neighbours by smiling and waving back at them."

"What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator was opened? ""Close that damn door! Can't you see I'm dressing??"""

"If you didn't take a selfie at the gym, were you really there?"

"There's no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do."