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Joke of the Day

"A doctor to his patient. Doctor: Sir, we have some good news and some bad news, the good news is that you've got a day left to live, the bad news is I forgot to tell you that yesterday."

"What do you do if you enter a room and a clown is having a stroke? Close the door and go to /r/Eyebleach."

"Sexy subjunctives... ... give you would."

"Why do thugs play basketball? Because it teaches them to shoot, run and steal."

"What do you call a disabled Lego? An O."

"They're not called ""butt hole mirrors."" They're called ""hand mirrors,"" according to this clerk at Walgreens."

"Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again. Person 2: Yes but it's much more terrible if he doesn't realize it."

"Why did Europe start the first World War? They did't like being sans-Ferdinand."

"An English professor sees a gorgeous blond at a party . . . ""Pardon me,"" he says, ""but do you enjoy Kipling?"" ""Gee, I don't know,"" says the blond. ""I've never kippled before."""

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? No-one: feminists don't change anything."