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Joke of the Day

"turkey went out of the frying pan and into the fire only for Putin to put them in the oven"

"[interrogation] ""Where were you on the night of the 5th?"" ""Dealing drugs."" ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] ""Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."""

"'How I Met Your Mother'- is definitely The longest TED talk ever!"

"My father just texted that he's been kicked off the roof of a Cleveland casino for grilling hotdogs, if you ever wondered why I am this way."

"Saudi Arabia 'chosen to head key UN human rights panel' Joke is UN."

"How many Buddhists does it take to screw a light bulb? None. They believe that the enlightenment comes from within."

"I keep my head held high because I know there's a beautiful deaf, mute & blind woman out there that's going to find me irresistible one day."

"She wears short skirts I eat pizza She's cheer captain And I'm still eating pizza"

"They're relea$ing two $eparate film$ ba$ed on the 3rd book in the'Hunger Game$' trilogy. I'm $hocked. Totally $urpri$ing."

"What do rodents do after dinner? Gopher a walk."