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Joke of the Day

"[interrogation] ""Where were you on the night of the 5th?"" ""Dealing drugs."" ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] ""Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."""

"How I Crossed the Desert by Rhoda Camul"

"Why do blacks keep on getting stronger? TVs are getting heavier."

"What do you call five black cars that all crash into each other? A three car pile-up."

"[showing my 4yo a Slinky] me: look, it's walking down the stairs kid: what else can it do me: literally nothing"

"My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn't destroy my phone"

"(Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child The child would definitely be on the dark side"

"Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she's a woman"

"You couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I duct taped one to your hands."

"I would make a 9/11 joke But that would just be plane wrong."