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Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to make your Monday morning worse, but we'll never be able to wear shorts in space."

"I was in a 3rd grade talent show and told a few jokes. I quickly got escorted off the stage because I'm 30 and should be at work."

"Me: Ready for school? 7yo: [in only underwear with pants tied around his neck like a scarf & a sock on each hand] Almost"

"I'm gonna be in trouble when my kids are older and realize how much of my parenting advice is just Kenny Rogers lyrics."

"Tech guy says: ""When in doubt reboot. "" Okay, I've rebooted but i still don't see how my boots have ANYTHING to do with a computer."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow almost any movie from his Pixar collection. But he's never gonna give you Up"

"Chicken and an egg are lying in bed together Chicken looks at the egg and says ""Well that answered the question!"""

"Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with."

"My dad's reasoning for wearing sandals to Church Jesus wore sandals too."

"I want Ebola... cereal"