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Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to make your Monday morning worse, but we'll never be able to wear shorts in space."

"Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm... He tells the bartender ""let me have a drink...and one for the road."""

"What kind of bikes do girls ride? Menstrual Cycles (I'm 99% sure I made this up!)"

"I was going to go for a run this morning. Then I remembered I don't run so I put some whiskey in my coffee and sat back down."

"What did the blind and deaf kid get for Christmas?? Cancer."

"Why couldn't Bach pay for his dinner? Because he was Baroque."

"Of course I don't hold grudges! I'm a woman, I carry them around in my designer purse everywhere I go."

"""Hey Pop"" pleaded Angelo ""can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?"" ""What's the matter with you?"" asked his father. ""Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?"""

"Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish in highly-contaminated water, feed him for a day."

"I found a dead mouse in my mother's basement. Honestly, I hate being a gynaecologist sometimes."