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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the strawberry jam and grape jelly hooking up? They got marmalaid."

"How does Harry Potter travel about? Walking -Jk Rolling"

"""Hey, let's make the inside of this building & every square inch of everyone & everything smell like THIS."" -inventor of incense"

"Was driving today and I saw some chick texting and driving... Pissed me off so much I threw my beer at her."

"What do LotR and Brokeback Mountain have in common? Someone's ring gets broken."

"What the difference between jews and harry potter Harry got out of the chamber alive"

"*time travels an infinite number of times to stop myself from eating the pizza but every time, future me just joins past me in eating it*"

"NO...I don't ""make plans"" because plans suggest INTENT... ...which is typically the distinction between second & first degree convictions."

"[day after trying sushi for the first time] ME: *putting frozen chicken nuggets on table* WIFE: this isn't cooke- ME: it's sushi, susan"

"How does Shrek describe his sex with Fiona? Medi-Ogre"