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Joke of the Day

"From my 7-year-old: What type of phone does a hawk use? A hawkie talkie."

"""We can't hire you. We're trying to get more diverse"" ME: But I'm Hispanic [A bear walks in wearing a fresh Hooters outfit] ME: Aw man"

"All these recent David Cameron jokes have left me with a bad taste in my mouth."

"I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them."

"The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine."

"My Guitar E string broke... On another note, the D String is fine!"

"""Well ... I'll be dammed."" Bodies of water when they see beavers coming."

"Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher."

"There's a good chance Dr. Phil has jerked off to the Domino's Pizza Tracker."

"Beethoven was such a hipster... ... that he never even heard some of his own music."