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Joke of the Day

"Cop; Know why I pulled you over? Me; Because you got beat up in high school Cop;....... Me; Because you got beat up in high school, Sir?"

"I'm not happy about my girlfriends one night stand. I'd really like somewhere to put my phone and spare change when we go to bed."

"What did the tomato say to the ear of corn? Nothing, as tomatoes lack any ability to communicate."

"This person told me ""When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!"" Alas, swine flu."

"I've compiled a list of famous athletes who have spent time in prison. It's a pros and cons list."

"Why did the condom fly across the room? Because it got pissed off."

"Gambling is like a dwarf at a barbecue... ...The stakes are always just too high"

"*outside my house* - Don't let them know you have Clifford - Hey you must really like red your whole first floor is red, and barks? - Damn"

"I'd love to see Jason Statham's face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles."

"*ding* This is your captain speaking. We... Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We're out of fuel."