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Joke of the Day

"*ding* This is your captain speaking. We... Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We're out of fuel."

"My dad's addicted to christmas dinner But he's been cold turkey every meal since."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool."

"I've Been Bitten! by A. Flea"

"I'm moving to Ottawa and opening a gym. I'm gonna call it Capital Gainz."

"Why did the Dalai Lama go to Mexico? So he can be juan with everything."

"My wife asked if I was coming to our daughter's dance recital... I was, but I paused the video, pulled up my pants, and denied it."

"If you read Twitter backwards it tells the story of humanity slowly getting smarter."

"The way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. At least that's what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene."

"My company uses salt water to solve any problem. We are called Saline Solutions."