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Joke of the Day

"I bet people who are actually from West Philadelphia get really tired of telling people where they were born and raised."

"Hark work never killed anybody But why take the risk."

"I can hear two bug swatters having a huge argument nearby. I'd give anything to not be a fly on the wall."

"[1620] We Indians will bury the hatchet and teach you to farm. *Pilgrims huddle* It's a ruse, this soil looks awful for growing hatchets."

"What was the name of King Arthur's fattest knight? Sir Cumference. (He ate too much pi)"

"Mom: Want to come over for dinner? Me: No thanks, already ate Mom: What did you have? Me: Peanut butter Mom: With? Me: Spoon"

"Studies have shown that smokers are 97% more likely than non-smokers... to walk out on their families."

"Q: What kind of letters would you send to capital cities? A: Capital letters."

"WHO ARE YOU RUNNING FROM IN YOUR OWN APARTMENT YOU FAT MONSTER NEIGHBOR I shout to my ceiling."

"What do you call Gumby's sidekick in Jamaica? Pokemon"