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Joke of the Day

"Q: What kind of letters would you send to capital cities? A: Capital letters."

"Why can't a nihilist use a pencil?.... because they cant find the point."

"Boss: ""Are you texting?"" Me: ""No, I'm Tweeting."" Boss: ""What's the difference?"" Me: ""Texting would imply that I have friends."""

"[walks into gym with my sunglasses on] WHATS UP LADIES *takes off sunglasses* damn it 3rd treadmill I've hit on this week"

"Where do doctors put blood that can't be used because it is too fluorescent? In the haemo glow bin."

"Do you ever wake up. Kiss the person beside you, and just be thankful to be alive. I did. Not really appreciated on flights apparently"

"So my father-in-law asked me to give the Christmas prayer... Apparently Ezekiel 25:17 is ""inappropriate"""

"[SETI receives extraterrestrial signal from 95 light years away] [scientist decodes message in the signal] ""enough...with...the...Harambe...jokes"""

"Why did the yankee wolf like southern ladies? By the time they said ""I'm not that kind of girl"" they were."

"A joke about elevators It was funny on so many levels"