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Joke of the Day

"Mom: Want to come over for dinner? Me: No thanks, already ate Mom: What did you have? Me: Peanut butter Mom: With? Me: Spoon"

"What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common? Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time."

"Did you know that if you squint at a cat and it squints back, it's the cat's way of saying ""What the f are you looking at?!"""

"What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea? It sinks. (Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)"

"It's a shame that Samsung cancelled production of the Note 7... but at least they went out with a bang."

"Why do most people from Russia wear track suits? Because they are Russin'"

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his arse"

"A roman walks into a bar holds up two fingers and says ""5 beers please""."

"Why did all the sea monsters refer to the kraken as a whore when he died? Because he died choking on a bunch of seamen."

"I'm so bad at philosophy.... .....I Kant even"