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Joke of the Day

"Someone offered to take me fly fishing, but I turned them down. I like to keep it reel."

"So a irishman walks out of a pub"

"I call bullshit on dogs being mans best friend. That little m'effer didn't lift a paw when I moved. Not him or all his little friends"

"Why did Bill Gates & Warren Buffett once have me quickly kicked out of a game of bridge? When it was my turn to bid I kept saying, ""Go fish""."

"I don't know why people say food in the military is bad... I was given a big chicken dinner!"

"Procrastination is just like Masturbation It's fun while you're doing it until you realize all you did was fuck yourself."

"I bet if supermodels got to pick a superpower some of them would choose 'solar' because some of them aren't that bright"

"Bit creepy of my maths teacher to put a little kiss after each answer."

"TRUMP: I'm gonna lose, huh? RYAN: Yes. [silence] TRUMP: Thank God. RYAN: I know TRUMP: I'd be SO bad at it RYAN: We literally all might die"

"I found a dog (no joke). If he's yours let me know. Male german shepherd. I am teaching him how to use a gun and drive a motorcycle."