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Joke of the Day
"If by retirement plan you mean a swear jar, then yes I do have a retirement plan."
Next Joke
"[therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny"
"My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies"
"Trans-Jenner? Has that joke been made yet?"
"Jurassic World was fantastic movie... In fact you could say, they ""spared no expense"""
"What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her? I may be a two but your an eight.."
"I just signed up for Comcast!"
"Watched The Little Mermaid with my girl last night & realized that Aerial could be on an episode of Hoarders. : /"
"The cheetah is the fastest land mammal right after a politician backpedaling about an opinion he didn't want the public to know about"
"wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree"