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Joke of the Day

"How I want to die... I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"If you want to surrender, what do you do? Become french"

"It would be cheaper if they used oak instead of silicone in boob jobs.. Wooden tit?"

"An authoritarian was caught speeding the other day. When asked why he was going so fast he said he, ""put his foot down."""

"So Pete Rose is allowed back in Baseball, huh.... Pete...Pete.....Pete. Those rednecks love Pete. He's the white man's OJ but with less murder and robbery."

"Damn girl, are you a huge piece of shit? Because you just slid right out of my asshole."

"What do you call spanish suicide squad ? Homicide hombres"

"Why are Asians no good a football ( soccer) ? Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop !"

"When you said you wanted to show me a stiff one, I had no idea you worked in a morgue."

"Usually, the one you want, is the one you can't have."