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Joke of the Day

"An authoritarian was caught speeding the other day. When asked why he was going so fast he said he, ""put his foot down."""

Next Joke
 
"Guys aren't the only one who get friendzoned! I'm so deep in the friendzone that I've met his girlfriends parents"
"I now feel I've watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I'll be able to successfully make it in prison."
"Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes."
"Little monster: Mom I've finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes I'll save it for your supper."
"You know what sounds sexy? Six women... Dozen tit."
"A man walks into a bar in Westeros And the bartender says ""stop speaking in third person Jaqen for fuck's sake"""
"I was absolutely disgusted when a gay guy came on to me at the bar. After kicking his ass out the door, I went for a towel to clean it off."
"I told the insect I knew he used to be part of an elite military unit he was exuberant"
"What the best thing about pedophiles? They always drive slowly near schools"