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Joke of the Day

"*takes earrings out* *takes bracelet off* *slips out of shoes* *tears off jeans, shirt, bra* *shaves head* Ok Doc you can weigh me now"

"I know Mexican judo Judo know if I have a knife. Judo know if I have a gun."

"In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas: What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran."

"I told a psychiatric ward patient to stand in the middle of two black poles ... and he did it ! The absolute madman!"

"Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel."

"What do feminists search for on scavenger hunts? Reasons to be offended."

"How come squirrels get a pass to bury whatever they want in the park but the cops go crazy when I try to bury one tiny bloody knife?"

"Now that I think about it, I probably didn't need glasses for my butt. I guess hindsight is 20/20"

"What is Marlon Brando's favorite beer? STELLA!"

"While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective weapon against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?"