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Joke of the Day

"I told a psychiatric ward patient to stand in the middle of two black poles ... and he did it ! The absolute madman!"

"Helen Keller wouldnt know what a dick was if it hit her in the face."

"Personally, I think Lance Armstrong should keep his trophies and awards. Last time I rode a bike on drugs I ended up in my neighbors bushes"

"What should you say to a pig on roller skates? Don't say anything. Just get out of the way."

"I know a few people who are the human version of an email missing the attachment."

"Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore? This guy."

"An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile."

"I had no idea we were millionaires until I just saw my husband casually rip off 3 or 4 paper towels at once."

"Twitter should offer Shkreli his account back for $10,000 and if he agrees say sorry and suddenly raise the price 5600%"

"A girl told me her exact age."