146362

Joke of the Day

"In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas: What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran."

"""I'm sorry but it's only 7 items or less in the dressing rooms"" [octopus glove shopping] ""this is unacceptable"""

"When my dead English friend Nate pees on my newly grey-painted German grenades. My late mate Euro-nate urinated on my freshly greyed grenades, great!"

"Forget everything you learned in College.... ""Forget everything you learned in College, you won't need it working here."" ""But I never went to college."" ""I'm sorry your not qualified to work here."""

"Why No 1 likes Apple So there are some people in an electronics store and the computers are just Apple. Then someone farts and its bad,but someone says 2 bad there's no Windows"

"Why do people with the Flu stand in corners? Its always 90 Degrees"

"(Describing Guy Fieri to sketch artist): Literally a flaming hot cheeto"

"SERIOUS TWEET: help I just put on hand lotion and now I can't get out of this room"

"Optimism I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optimist. I just don't have a whole lot to work with."

"You like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?! Then you'll love Aunt Jemima's new ""You Butter Recognize!"""