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Joke of the Day

"Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business"

"Math is a drama queen. It can't seriously have that many problems."

"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."

"Popcorn is great but why did we stop there? This is America & I intend to find out what other foods would be delicious if we exploded them."

"Embarrassed Shopper I get so embarrassed grocery shopping when I see the Salad Dressing"

"When Wall-E first came out I was like ""'what a profound statement"" and now, a few years older, I'm like ""gimme one of those sick chairs."""

"What do you call immigrants to Sweden? Artificial Swedeners"

"If Donald Trump enacts a law saying baby strollers cannot be more than twice the width of the babies in them, I will vote for him in 2020."

"You said that if I went to visit at the hospital I should be sure to take flowers. So, when the nurse wasn't looking, I did."

"Me: ""Breath mint?"" Her: ""Sure."" M: ""Don't mean to offend."" H: ""None taken."" M: ""Great. Good to hear. Care for a push up bra?"""