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Joke of the Day

"You said that if I went to visit at the hospital I should be sure to take flowers. So, when the nurse wasn't looking, I did."

"Did you hear about the red tarmac that went around murdering people? It was a cycle-path."

"Trying to make pancakes this morning and it turns out I didn't get the spatula in the divorce."

"My boss told me, ""Dress for the job you want, not the job you have."". I'm currently sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my batman costume!"

"Alien vs predator Guys what if a pedophile assualts an illegal immigrant, would it be called alien vs predator?"

"What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The Miami Heat flag."

"Facebook friend: If you can't handle me at my worst, then you- SHUT UP, SHANNON. YOU'RE *ALWAYS* AT YOUR WORST."

"Whenever I'm not feeling well, I just imagine Tyrannosaurus Rex masturbating."

"What do you call it when someone comes to your house and takes all your pottery? Home Depot."

"Think about it from the other side. Think about the hangover movies from chow's perspective..."