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Joke of the Day

"Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America? A: ""Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!"""

"I put winks at the end of texts to add a confusing air of creepy. ""Making breakfast. ;)"" ""Walking the dog. ;)"" ""Broke in to your house ;)"""

"My phone autocorrects 'sex' into 'pez' in case you were wondering just how dead my pez life is."

"I was so upset when the bathroom was out of toilet paper... I was shitty all day!"

"Have you seen the movie - Constipated? No? Why? Cause it hasn't come out yet!"

"I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone"

"What's the difference between a boomerang and my father? the boomerang came back ='("

"Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting. Until you realize you live alone."

"Jokes are like farts, if you have to force it, its probably shit"

"Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications."