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Joke of the Day

"When I'm bored on a plane, I pull a random machine part out of my pocket and ask the person next to me ""Do you know where this came from?"""

"It's eating disorder awareness week and they're selling t shirts for charity They only carry x-smalls."

"Girls like bad boys, so why can't I get a girlfriend? I'm bad at literally everything. (If you came here expecting a joke, I'm sorry, the joke is my life)"

"And on the 8th day, God almost created Lionel Richie but was all like ""Naw, I'll just hold off a few thousand years then one day HELLO!"""

"You know what they say about men that live in glass houses... They beat their wives in the basement."

"I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled It's crippling"

"""Hey Fred"" Yeah Barney? ""The Bee Gees have no hot chicks in the band"" Yeah but ABBA do!"

"Why was the rooster angry? He just found his chicken strips. (Courtesy of my creative bartender pal)"

"How are one out of three American Boats born? By Sea-Section."

"My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is his dead dog back. Can't WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and stick it under the tree."