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Joke of the Day

"My ex is looking for a job but I don't think satan is retiring anytime soon so I suppose she'll be unemployed for a while."

"What do you call a serial killer who can kill with both hands? Ambi*Dexter*ous"

"Do you know how to make Notre Dame style eggs? You put them in a bowl way too big for it...and then beat repeatedly for 3 hours"

"Google just threw a drink in my face I deserved it I have no business asking those questions"

"The difference between an alcoholic and a drunk is staggering."

"I have a roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers. We are maid for each other."

"STAYCATION DAY 1: Filled the birdbath with Nescafe just to see the startled look on those vagrant House Finches."

"I went to an illiterate psychic I couldn't get a reading"

"A man walks into a library and asks the Mexican librarian which section would have information about Guppies. The librarian answers... ""Microfiche""."

"We've got an aviary at home, Sadly one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music. Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark"