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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I said your cat was ugly. Oh, and sorry for thinking your baby was a cat."

"What's the best part of growing up in Compton? No bad dad jokes."

"Whispered ""I love you"" to my 2 yo. He whispered ""I know"" back. And w/that, he put his hand down the front of his diaper, and became a pimp."

"Today is national pet day. There is no touching of people in national pet day. I know this now."

"Answer : Mrs.Claus Question : Who was the only person in history that was unhappy when Santa came early?"

"I'm really good at wrapping presents. It's a gift."

"ME: ""I don't like this movie."" HIM: ""We are at a funeral."" ME: ""Who directed this?"" HIM: ""A bear attack."" ME: ""Never heard of him."""

"What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle? There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math."

"i don't think i can go back to a white president"

"Know why I won't have two pet rocks? 'Cause I ain't raising no pebbles! .. Idk, my brother told me that years ago and I still think it's clever."