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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell a mathematician if he does drugs? You're high-on-pot...enuse. Thanks Key&Peele, I'll see myself out."

"Your momma is so ugly that Scorpion says ""Get away from me"""

"Q: What does an attorney wear to work? A: A law suit."

"What's the worst part about being a redneck? Having to see your ex at family gatherings."

"Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface."

"I don't know what I'm more afraid of: killing myself or never doing it. Clowns definitely scare me the most, though."

"Batman based his superhero off what terrified him most. If I followed the same logic my superhero would be ListeningToVoicemailsMan."

"Oscar Wilde: Always be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Liam Neeson: I will find them. Wilde: Wait, I meant- Neeson: EVERYONE"

"My girlfriend gave me a handjob yesterday... and told me ""My God, your penis is huge!"" I replied, ""You're pulling my leg!"""

"Cute girl: omg I love this bread [At the next table] Jesus: [loudly, holding up a slice of bread] so this is my body"