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Joke of the Day

"Two gallons of milk sat within a fridge One was spoiled and the other was chocolate. Where did the spoiled milk sit? On the top shelf. Where did the chocolate milk sit? In the back."

"What are a psychoanalysts first words to a suicide bomber? ""What makes you tick?"""

"How are Jimmy Carter and the Long Island Railroad the same? They both pull out of Roslyn every morning at 8:15."

"Capitalization is important... It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"New Study Suggests Drinking Coffee Is Good For Your Health. Wait, I Think We Did Good For Your Health Last Time. Bad For Your Health, Then"

"Why should you bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing? Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer."

"Irony Jokes Won't it be Irony to Die in a Living Room"

"You know how you'll see something a million times, but can't find it when you need it? That's why I stopped buying condoms."

"What do you call a Pakistani with a vest on? Going to the gym, You. Racist."

"""I'd UberBlack for you."" - what I assume a pick up line in 2016 sounds like"