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Joke of the Day

"What do Australians and wetting yourself in the basement have in common? They're both incontinence down under."

"You'll find there's truly so much beauty in the world if you'll just look at the right desktop wallpaper websites"

"I was going to tell you a joke about Alzheimers But I just don't remember it now"

"Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Because Bill threw a mattress at him."

"Culturally speaking... Having a McDonald's in a WalMart is like finding a cyst in a tumour."

"Why isn't soap cool? Because it's basic."

"I know I'll never be a rocket scientist... because the amount of math they have to do is astronomical and I'm not very stellar at it."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"First day on the job as a drug dealer... Dealer: I don't have coke... is Pepsi okay? *gets stabbed*"

"Hm. Not sure whether to scold my son for chasing the cat or thank the cat for excersizing my son..."