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Joke of the Day

"It would be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was all fun and games up until that point, right?"

"Q: What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human? A: Lettuce pray"

"I hate when people read over my shoulder while I'm texting. 2 car lengths please Mr. Policeman."

"How do I change the ring on my phone to an onion ring?"

"What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic? A seizure salad."

"I'm planning on having a three-some with a chicken and an egg tonight I'll let you know."

"What does non-alcoholic beer and going down on you cousin have in common? Sure they taste the same, but it just ain't right."

"My girlfriend is like Christmas.. Only comes once a year."

"I went to a seafood disco last night... ... I pulled a muscle."

"So I was doing donuts in my car.. And a cop pulls me over. Now I know what you're thinking, who names their dog Donuts?"