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Joke of the Day

"I hate when people read over my shoulder while I'm texting. 2 car lengths please Mr. Policeman."

"VIRGIN GALACTIC THE SURVIVING PILOT OF THE VIRGIN GALACTIC PLANE SAID THAT THE CO PILOTS LAST WORDS WERE,'WHATS THIS BUTTON FOR?"

"Reddit is like a friend that you think is really funny at first until you realize that they just repeat the same jokes over and over again."

"Why can't redneck murder mysteries be solved? Because all the DNA is the same and there are no dental records."

"A new book on how to have sex with herbs has finally been published. It's about fucking thyme."

"*has argument with husband* *brings up all the dumb shit he said in 2011* *adds ""Historian"" to bio*"

"Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now."

"It's called karma, and it's pronounced ""haha! Screw you!"""

"I spilled some coffee. My wife called it grounds for divorce."

"Atheists don't seem to recognize church is worth it for the bake sales alone. God, or no god, those are good Brownies."