119430

Joke of the Day

"Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and the world wants you to stop looking at your phone and drive."

"Pope should record an album to remake Vatican's image. The problem is picking which robe to wear when making a video w/ Lady Gaga"

"What do you call a Mexican baptism? A bean dip."

"Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic."

"i can guess how someone will die based on their clothes date: what about me? Hawaiian themed bathroom fire"

"I figured out a way to chop onions without crying... The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion."

"I wasn't dropped as a baby, but I've been making up for it ever since."

"Marriage tip: When times get tough, never tell a woman she needs to ""sacrifice."" Women do not like this term. Always say ""prioritize."""

"My wife and I made a vow to never go to bed angry. I'm so fucking tired!"

"The FAA is reviewing the new Boeing Dreamliner... it might get thrown under the airbus."