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Joke of the Day

"Also, those little Swiss Army knives are great when you need a tiny pair of scissors to open your Gummi Bears like some kind of crack head."

"My ex dumped me because of my constant Linkin Park references. But in the end, it doesn't even matter."

"Hillary Clinton logs onto her email server [deleted]"

"Why can't Mexicans play Uno? They always steal the green cards."

"The UK could be the 51st State. It'd just be like moving in with your grandson."

"Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar."

"Before I got on the toilet, I was trying to look for toilet paper... And I almost lost my shit."

"The Trump presidency will be fine... Remember when NWO took over WCW? In the end, it turned out ok too."

"My grades are telling me to be a trophy wife but my looks are telling me to study harder."

"What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack? A Tupac..."