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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell how hard a nigga is? By the number of niggabytes in his hard drive."

"Autocorrect changed honey to homey. Now, instead of going out to a romantic dinner we will be doing a drive-by."

"It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim."

"I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy."

"I sometimes lie awake and wonder how much useful information I've left out of my brain to make room for these Hanson songs."

"Friend: I'm about to appear in court. Me: Best of luck! Kill it!! Friend:...not exactly the best phrase to use in a medical negligence case."

"I hate it when the neighbor's dog gets out because I accidentally pick the lock on their gate, leave it open, and put down a trail of food"

"I've snagged so many catfish on dating sites, I'm now a licensed fisherman."

"What did one fetus say to the other? Guess we're wombmates!"

"When Arnold says the line ""I'll be back"" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help."