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Joke of the Day

"It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim."

"My girlfriend is NOT a library book You hear that guys? Stop checking her out."

"What did the lunatic vacuum cleaner salesman say to his son before murdering him? Dyson."

"FYI - so it IS illegal to put a skylight on the 5th floor of an 8th floor apartment building"

"How does a girl get a guy to eat shit? She wipes back to front."

"How do you get a hippie pregnant? Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, you chauvinist asshole!"

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles!"

"Three types of people... There are three types of people in this world. Those who are odd, and those who literally can't even."

"TIL the word ""Muppet"" is a combination of ""marionette"" and ""puppet"". It's like how the word ""mobster"" is a combination of ""man"" and ""lobster""."