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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing plastic wrap underwear. Psychiatrist says ""Well, i can clearly see your nuts."""

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"So it looks like there was a paedophile ring operating at the heart of Thatcher's government. I don't know why everyones so shocked, they were well known for fucking miners."
"What does 007 wear on his head? A Bondana."
"I'm starting a support group for people who think they are mortgages. The most important thing is for them to realize that they are not a loan."
"An Irishman is driving to the airport While driving, he sees a sign that says ""Airport left"". So he turns around and goes home"
"I have a great vocabulary, just ask my um female dad"
"Take that seed. Yes that one Burn it. Now crunch it up. More. Now pour this hot water on it. Let me drink that. It's good. Name it ""coffee"""
"Welcome to Business Job. Squeeze my hand and I'll squeeze yours. There, now we're acquaintances. Here's your 3 walls and chair."
"What's the affirmative response to a Jamaican mother? Yeah mom!"
"Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick."