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Joke of the Day

"HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1) Put a saddle on it 2) Get on 3) Oh god it's destroying the village with fire 4) WHY DIDN'T I GET A CAT INSTEAD?!"

"That incessant, monotonous football is really ruining my enjoyment of the vuvuzelas."

"mom: no TV for a week! dad: and after you take a bath you can't use your hands to get out of the tub *sons jaw drops* mom: [whispers] nice"

"Why did the pet proctologist fear his first feline procedure? Because wether he succeeded or failed, he knew he'd end up with a cat-ass-trophy on his hands."

"Love your neighbor, but don't get caught."

"Fill out job applications in crayon... ...and if you don't get hired, just blame it on your color."

"Right now, someone is wearing cargo pants and getting away with it. I can't even concentrate on my book."

"[Me]: What's a snowman's favorite drink? [Bartender]: idk [Me]: Brrrr-bon lol [Bartender]: ... [Me]: jk snowmen don't drink they aren't real"

"I love my toilet. We've been through a lot of shit together."

"The quickest way to get a creationist to shut up is threatening to throw them off the edge of the earth."