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Joke of the Day

"Right now, someone is wearing cargo pants and getting away with it. I can't even concentrate on my book."

"My girlfriend never swears in public... But when we're talking dirty around the house she curses like a sailor, and it really turns me on. I guess it's true, women should be obscene but not heard."

"Modern music is like taking a poop you like it at first, but then you realize its all shit in the end"

"What is a suicide bombers worse fear? Dying alone..."

"What do you call a hamburger that runs for president? A McTrump"

"Wrote a letter to Santa today because i don't want him to think that we only talk when i want something from him."

"Harry Potter: A Shortened Version Voldemort: I must kill Harry Potter. Everyone else: Lol, no."

"Friends are like snow flakes. If you pee on them they go away."

"COWORKER: I'm going to my friend's lake house this weekend for a party. ME: *lying* I also have friends."

"I would rather weave a suit out of my grandfather's pubic hair than ""pull an all-nighter"" with you."