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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a man who is too proud of his balls ? Ego-Testicle."

"I was trying to think of a Legend of Zelda pun... But I don't want to tri and force it"

"Spike from the Land Before Time movies is the best character ever! Literally in the first 30 seconds after hatching he yawns, eats an entire bush, and takes a nap, he's like me on valentines day."

"None of the scenarios in which I would require a watch that works 200m underwater are situations in which my watch would be my main concern."

"I wish there was an app where I could point my phone at someone and find out exactly how much money they make."

"After Paris my Airbnb host tried to say I stained her sheets & headboard w/ hair dye, but the gag is I don't wear hair to bed."

"I went to a whorehouse the other day... The sign outside said ""We're closed so beat it"""

"The Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and be awarded eternal life"" John came fifth and was awarded a toaster"

"When I was young, losing teeth would earn me money. Now I'm old, earning money will gain me teeth."

"I have diabetes.... There's no sugar coating it."