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Joke of the Day

"After Paris my Airbnb host tried to say I stained her sheets & headboard w/ hair dye, but the gag is I don't wear hair to bed."

"Damn boy! What's your zodiac sign? Bc I think we should make that Sagittariuu into SagittariUS Oh you're a Leo? Le OH ..where are you going?"

"What do you call a viking cemetary? A grey fjord."

"Just tried black coffee for the first time Not my cup of tea"

"I know Karate... ...And like two other Japanese words."

"Last night I was with a girl... ...she told me she wanted me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the jaw."

"Everyday, millions of plants are killed by vegetarians. Help stop the violence. Eat a steak."

"If a tree falls down and only a woman hears it, what the fuck was a tree doing in my kitchen?"

"NICK CANNON: hello and welcome to america's got talent HAWK: [hiding his talons behind his back] i misunderstood the title of this show"

"My grandpa believes he is best friends with Freud. But I keep telling him he is just a Sigmund of his imagination."