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Joke of the Day

"saw someone spill their high end juice cleanse all over the sidewalk and now I know god is on my side"

"What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day? Pooping"

"I own a very profitable bakery I guess you could say, i'm rolling in the dough"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ahmed ! Ahmed who ? Ahmed a big mistake coming here !"

"Which concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat Nickelback"

"What do you call Bruce Lee's mom when she's making obvious statements? A parent, Lee."

"Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans."

"I got enough money to retire and enjoy life without ever working again.. .. if I die within the next month."

"I offended someone with a joke about molestation. I forgot it's a touchy subject."

"I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go."