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Joke of the Day

"Thought about growing some impatiens this year... but then decided against it. Takes too long."

"What's the difference between a politician and a computer? logic"

"Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind, it's too long."

"I dunked on my brother one summer, like, 20 yrs ago, on the adjustable hoop in the driveway, & I still think about it roughly twice a week."

"How do you greet the cold horse across the fence? Howdy Neigh - Brr Made up by my 4 year old son."

"Then god said, ""Let there be light,"" and there was light and he regretted making Adam in the dark because he gave him Owen Wilson's nose."

"What does a rich fat Englishman gain? Lots of Pounds."

"Little girl: ""Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."" Mom: ""Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."""

"I've got sexy women on me like white on rice Fried rice that is."

"I remember my first time at a mic. ""Cleanup on aisle 5"" & ""Price check-Advil"" were two early bits that really seemed to resonate with folks."