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Joke of the Day

"What did the woman say to her husband who constantly turns the heater up way too high? ""This is why we can't have ice things!"""

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"When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle."
"I'm in a band called 1023 megabytes... We haven't had a gig yet"
"I was thinking about robbing this sperm bank, but I think they've already seen me coming."
"Confidence should never be confused with arrogance. Arrogance is spelled way differently."
"Me: when is the pizza ready? Dad: will you wait! Me: I DID MY WAITING Dad: oh god no Me: TWELVE YEARS Dad: not again Me: IN AZKABAN"
"What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Rubber-Toe! (Roberto)"
"How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs."
"I bet the ""YMCA"" dance is harder to do in different languages."
"Have you heard about Prince Oxygen? He is heir to the throne."