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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Jesus play hockey? He keeps getting NAILED TO THE BOARDS!..."

"Dad I spotted a Dalmatian! No need to it already has its own spots!"

"I sometimes pretend to hate Nickelback more than I do so you will like me."

"What does a ninja use to measure someone's pulse A **stealthoscope**"

"*Puts couch down as emergency contact*"

"mmmm This chocolate speaks my language. Or it would, if it weren't being eaten. So. I guess it's probably horrified-screaming my language."

"What do you call the system of honour of French horses? Chevalry"

"Why don't you ever want Hitler to be your chemistry lab partner? Because he always ends with a really fucked up final solution"

"What's it called when you're killing time at work hiding in the bathroom? Stalling."

"I hope DC residents have good flood insurance Because that swamp turned into a damn lake real fast."