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Joke of the Day
"*Puts couch down as emergency contact*"
Next Joke
"I got caught taking a piss in the swimming pool earlier... The lifeguard shouted so loudly that I nearly fell in!"
"Horse-drawn carriages are pretty cool but the horses should learn to draw other stuff"
"What kind of dog is the smartest? A great brain!"
"Cecil the lion's brother was just poached in Zimbabwe That family is like the Stark family of the animal kingdom"
"What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!"
"What do you call the yellow ones? -Yellow labs. And the black ones? -Black labs. So the brown ones are- -No we named those after dog poison."
"-Sir we found hot glue in her ears nose and mouth, seems she suffocated. -Well whoever did this must be pretty....crafty. -Go to hell sir."
"In 7 seasons I've never seen a single motherfucker on Top Chef wash their hands."
"When I fall down a public venue, ""Did anyone see me"" totally outranks ""Am I ok"" on the thought process."