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Joke of the Day

"I hope DC residents have good flood insurance Because that swamp turned into a damn lake real fast."

"After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was ""Elevator Buttons."""

"What do you call a bear that swings both ways? Bi-polar"

"At any time, the temptation to sing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" is just a whim away....... A whim away."

"What is Biz Markies favorite farm animal? Ewe, ewe got what I neeeeeed."

"I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house. It's a process of illumination."

"Me: And what do you do if I tell you I'm having a heart attack? Siri: I clear your browser history. Me: That's right darling."

"What do you get when you cross a stock broker, a detective, and an alligator? An investigator."

"What do you call it when a neurologist is found embezzling and he later runs away? A Fraudian slip."

"I hate when people say having a black friend allows them to say the n word You have to have at least two since black people are only 3/5s of a person"