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Joke of the Day

"When a guy wearing shorts and sandals to a bar is picking out songs on the jukebox, it's going to end badly for everyone."

"What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times? Windows 10."

"I'm not looking for the woman who reads 50 Shades of Grey. I'm looking for the one that finds it boring."

"The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest."

"Mother in law just said global warming with air quotes. It's going to be a long night."

"Might stand on a construction site looking at blue prints today and see what happens."

"The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood what I meant by ""I wanna watch"""

"They should make halloween albums like they do for Christmas. I'd love to hear a Michael Buble version of Monster Mash."

"dave is coming to play poker ""dave from college or dave who walks like he's in a video game?"" [dave takes 3 tries to walk through open door]"

"Once I get tan this summer there's going to be literally only one thing that can stop me: simple carbohydrates"