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Joke of the Day

"When a guy wearing shorts and sandals to a bar is picking out songs on the jukebox, it's going to end badly for everyone."

"Women and not being attractive If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."

"Will I. Am's headstone will read ""Will I. Was,"" completing history's longest set-up to a punchline"

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of intoxicants."

"People who eat endangered birds... Will die lonely and full of egret."

"My Twitter account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password."

"What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator was opened? ""Close that damn door! Can't you see I'm dressing??"""

"Why did the ""upright man"", a humanoid species, went extinct 70.000 years ago? Because they got homo e-rekt-us."

"Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water? A: Bob"

"A man just went completely berserk at a Dollar Store & destroyed everything inside. Total damage: $48."