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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when it's midnight at Neverland Ranch? The big hand touches the little hand."

"I look ugly without glasses.. Even though I've never worn glasses in my life."

"Seeing as it's almost time for New Years Celebrations for myself Tonight I am an exorcist, as I shall be ridding the house of all Spirits."

"Shout out to countless marine organisms who died, accreted on the seafloor, and compacted for eons so I could drive my Escalade to Kmart."

"What did Ronda Rousey's face look like after her fight with Holly Holm? It was all broused up!"

"If your partner makes you sleep closest to the door, you are either the protector or bait for the zombies."

"Why can't the shepherd remember how many he had sex with? --- he keeps falling asleep when he counts them."

"Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat"

"Ya know? You're like a blister... you only turn up once all the hard work is done."

"Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet? Player: I finished it in three days!"