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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to countless marine organisms who died, accreted on the seafloor, and compacted for eons so I could drive my Escalade to Kmart."

"A report found 9 out of 10 bishops write with a fountain pen. Only God knows what the other one does with it."

"What is the name of Mark Zuckerbergs mother? Motherzucker"

"I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode."

"If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit They're usually around 90 degrees"

"I've tried everywhere so I can confirm that there is no snooze button on a baby."

"What's the difference between a Catholic and Baptist? A Catholic will say hello to you in a liquor store."

"The cancellation of the Golden Girls must have been devastating to the shoulder pad industry."

"Just got college letters from the marines, navy, army and coast guard. Well obviously somebody has been watching me play Call Of Duty..."

"Why is Jesus so bad at hockey? Because he keeps getting nailed to the boards!"