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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to countless marine organisms who died, accreted on the seafloor, and compacted for eons so I could drive my Escalade to Kmart."

"My dick was once in the book of world records... But then I got kicked out of the library."

"Lord of the Rings marathon -Do you know what a Lord of the Rings marathon is? -Yes -But do you know what a Lord of the Rings triathlon is? -No? -That's when you watch all three of them"

"How do you make endocrine? Endocrine is not a hormone."

"So many girls look so cute and pretty when they cry then there's me where i look like a dying horse"

"What is the difference between Jesus and Hitler? Jesus fed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish... Hitler made 6 million Jews toast..."

"My dad put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like, ""You're five years old? When I was your age, I was six"""

"Pulleys are the rednecks of the gear world No teeth"

"If it wasn't for Yahoo Answers, there's no way I could know this numb black foot was just a headache."

"When I was 20, a stranger ran up to me in the street and said we should get a divorce. That set the tone of weirdness for my adult life."