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Joke of the Day

"If by ticklish, you mean I'll turn into a rabid chihuahua on bath salts if you come near my underarm, then yes I'm a little ticklish."

"My doctor told me that I should avoid salty things I'm gonna miss playing MOBAs"

"How old do kids have to be when you can start saying ""Fuck you."" to their faces instead of behind their backs?"

"You guys should get [Naked](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/e/eb/NakedJuiceLogo.png/170px-NakedJuiceLogo.png) at Costco"

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off"

"About an actress. Did you hear about that actress who killed her husband? Reese something... Witherspoon? No Witherknife."

"What's green and hairy and skies down a mountain a skiwi"

"When can't a pencil write out a check? When it's broke."

"TIFU No, literally. Your girl was on my lap. That's the only time I fuck up."

"I said ""no"" to a lot of things this year without giving them a chance. In 2016 I plan on saying ""maybe"" more and then changing it to ""no""."